Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
