Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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