i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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