I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
