dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
third nipple confirmed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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