just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house