I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
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Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?