he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
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Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal