would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend