8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All the doctor said was why