i can juggle bunnies
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just googled if crying burns calories
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.