Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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