I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
