im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
