Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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