please come you make the beer taste better
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
