Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
