You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
