morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
