I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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