Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
