I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
