and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
love makes seman taste better
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
