Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i came on her dog
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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