I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
