What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
