I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Mom said you looked used
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
