bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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