is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
