Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
