There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
