I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
