she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
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I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
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I feel a five day drunk coming on.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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