I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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