just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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