$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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