Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
