It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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