sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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