We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
