this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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