And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
a search helicopter?!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
