Kiss
Puke
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
