I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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