sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
