I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
we're so committed to being not committed
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
