You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
