Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
