My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
