we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
