so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
