You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
