If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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