watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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