if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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