About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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