I wanna passion pit in your ass
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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