I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
