Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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