this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
