I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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