I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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